Diaries of a Mad Man

[PK]

hmmmm Rx - this is beginning to sound like you're about to race a certain 'Arch Nemesis' of mine - i've had plenty of dealings with him in the past and my only advice to you is - Don't underestimate him. He's a wolf in women's lingerie, or is that sheeps clothing.... I can't remember but thats not important - he's dangerous and i hear he'll do just about anything to win. Watch yourself at the start he's notorious for swerving across the track and forcing his opponents off track, into walls or just driving into them!!!

Anyway - best of luck with your preperation - i look forward to hearing how things are going in the lead up to what promises to become an historic contest

[JWK]

ROFL! too freaking funny buddy!

this is great reading- good quality work- keep it coming

Cheers and Beers

[RacerX]

Journal Entry 2002-52A

Greetings Mr. Journal…wuff, today you’ll get two entries! I’m so excited about meeting my challenger on the track today, that I’m actually going to give you a “before”(A) entry, and an “after”(B) entry.

I’m soo freaking excited, I don’t think I slept a wink. You know todays the big day. Yeah, I hear ya, it’s no longer little girls pushing cookies...today, it’s my first real challenge...today I graduate to the big leagues...today I meet my Mika Hakkinen on the track.

Now I know what M$ must have really felt like, the morning of Japan in ’98. I know & you know that he was sooo pumped, he probably screwed the start & stalled it, but we’ll never tell. That’s right Journal boy, we’ll cover as usual, & blame it on Ferrari’s piss poor clutch!

LOL, I always laugh when I think of how many excuses we’ve come up with for M$…but not today! That’s right, today I vanquish this Mika foe!!! Today I conquer the unconquerable, today I will rock the karting world!!! Today I, the Michael $chumacher of karting, will crush my Mika Hakkinen. He will rue the day…how dare that bastard laugh at my Girl Scout story, how dare that bastard challenge me, how dare that bastard walk on hollwed sacred ground & not remove his shoes? I pitty the fool!

OK, I just wanted to put a small teaser entry into you today, because I still hear your snickering when I sleep at night, you too laugh at the thought of me transforming into the great Michael $chumacher…well, today you will see…today you will no longer laugh, you’ll tremble in fear, and gaze in pure wonder….ha-ha-ha-ha-ha…after this afternoon, you’ll relish the stroke of my pen on your unworthy little pages. Prepare to beg you little bitch, for after this entry, I will truly be karting king, I will be victorious!!!

**(disclaimer; if I get my arse kicked today, by this Mika wanna be, I swear I will tear this page out and deny I ever wrote it…your hear me Mr.Journal, I’ll deny it…deny-deny-deny!!! Than maybe replace it with a much more humble entry?? OK, I’m off to rub my M$ statuette, for luck…see ya)

Close Entry 2002-52A

[RacerX]

Journal Entry 2002-52B

Well Mr.Journal, should I go ahead and ruin it for ya? Should I just tell you know what happened…or should I explain how it all came about, then tell you how it finished? Oh yeah, you want the answer now, eh? Well, tough sh*t Journal boy, you can wait and hear me out…and this time I assure you there will be NO laughing…stop it, I heard that.

Well, I arrived at the track early, to prepare myself mentally for the grand challenge that stood before me today! I knew this would put me in the books as a great one, but I knew it wouldn’t be easy. I arrived 4 hours early, walked the course…well, OK, I walked as far as I could until the track personell spotted me and yelled for me to get out. They didn’t open for another hour or so. Oh well, at that point I decided to go eat. I tucked my lucky M$ statuette into my pocket and stepped next door to an IHOP…International House Of Pancakes. I order the rooty fruitty, hot and…oh hell, I ate! I used Ferrari red strawberry syrup on my hotcakes! I painted little pictures on the hotcakes with the red syrup…a little F1 car on one hotcake, and a trophy on the other…it was to be a grand day (so I thought) for the syrup didn’t run off the pancakes and THAT had to be a good omen! I carefully ate my little Schumi decorated F1 panca…what, how dare you interrupt me. OK, OK, I get the point, I’ll get on with the story.

OK, I ate breakfast, then decided it was time to go meet my challenger. H’mm, should I be kind to him, or snarl at him? Then I thought: “Oh yeah, I better be nice, I do want to lick the soles of the shoes he’s wearing…hollowed ground…wuff, M$’s very own karting track & he went there…Bastard!”

I found a chair track side, so I could see the other mere mortals run lap after lap. I noticed the fastest time of the day too…surprise, it wasn’t near my record of 51 some odd seconds…amazing! Those little cookie pedaling wenches panned out to be tough competition after all..LOL!

Oh well, it was early. I’m sure no-one had gotten up to speed yet. Well, I waited, and waited. My challenger was late! Maybe he to knew just how fast these little Girl Scouts can be, and thus was having second thoughts. Maybe he was not up for his challenge, maybe he was a bigger chicken than I thou…oh sh*t, there he is…and he’s even brought his own helmet! What’s up with this crap?

(to be continued...)

[RacerX]

(Continued from Entry 2002-52B)

Yep Mr.Journal, I couldn’t believe it. He brought his own colorful helmet and gear. It seems he even donned a pair of funny shoes…and get this, they were black with silver trim. Bastard, he truly was my Mika of karting. I was scared sh*tless, I realized I was probably waaaaaaaaaay over my head, but I stepped up to the kart track entrance and looked for a helmet for myself. I couldn’t back-out, I had to go ahead with it, I had no other choice…I’d already paid my $20 bucks.

Wuff, I greeted my competitor & immediately started to talk about trivial things. He laughed and pointed out that I must be nervous. I laughed and questioned him: “Who, me??” followed with another chuckle as if to say, please…I fear nothing. He then politely pointed at my helmet strap and informed me it was twisted several times over, as if I hadn’t noticed it when putting it on. Wuff. He was right. I was too busy sizing him up. I knew I better run like a banshee with his butt on fire if I were to merely have a respectable finish. It looked bad…real bad.

I asked the track attendant if they happened to have a car that was running really bad to which he responded “why?”, and I whispered that my friend was looking for a real challenge and that he wanted a “slower” car to race me in. The attendant laughed and said all the cars were tested this morning & found to be running perfectly. Oh man, this was real bad and getting worse. Wuff, I convinced myself that I’d just have to suck it up, take my beating like a man, and give it the best shot I could give it.

We entered the track, and looked the shining beasts up and down. I knew I would want the red one, and hoped he’d want one of the others. Sure enough, he took the bright green one, and left the red one unclaimed. I stuffed myself into the red beast & buckled up the belts. Strangely enough I felt it again, that feeling of comfort, that feeling that I’d been here before, and was meant to be here, in this kart. I yanked on the belt to check it myself, then the track attendant walked up and yelled those great words before starting my engine: “Watch the lights…watch the lights!”

Just like the last time, my heart rate picked up at least 10 to 15 beats per minute. I could feel the vibration of the engine. I snapped the accelerator to check throttle response, it was all coming together, feeling so good, so right. I rolled up beside my challenger & yelled for him: “Good luck!” He smiled back and tossed the call back to me…I thought, yeah, I’m going to need it…LOL!

I found my mark, and waited. I waited for what seemed an eternity. Who’s operating the lights? Can’t they see we’re all here, ready, waiting? What’s going on? I thought to myself: “The lights, the lights, why aren’t they on?” Finally, they glared their evil red glow. Yes, another omen…my red beast would be victorious today, for the lights even glowed red…LOL, or so I tried to convince myself…LOL!


(to be continued)

[RacerX]

(Continued from Entry 2002-52B)


I watched the lights, I focused for the slightest sign that they’d go out…I knew I had to e fast today, I had to time the start perfectly…I WUFF! They’re out…oh hell, how’d I do? How’d I do?

I was panicking when I realized it was for no reason. Once again, my right foot seemed to instinctively control itself. The little voice on the helmet radio was screaming again too: “Green-green-GREEN!”

It all felt so familiar. I actually caught myself laughing as I realized I’d blitzed the start. I was cooking. I was kicking freaking arse already! The transformation was complete and I personally hadn’t even noticed, but I was…I had become the Michael $chumacher of karting!!! I was storming through my first lap. I hadn’t missed a beat & when I crossed the finish line it confirmed what I’d already understood: I was hauling butt, a 51.077! A mere few hundreds of a second off my fastest time! I knew I had to keep this pace up if I were to beat my challenger. I checked for his time…Wuff, a 51.762 on his first lap. I knew this was good, and he was on an unfamiliar track. Surely his times would improve as he became more familiar with the course.

Another lapped confirmed both my excitement & my fears…he’d improved, and improved well. Immediately he lopped off over half a second on the very next lap! He popped a 51.198. I told myself not to worry about it, not to fear, for I too improved my time and it was another low 51 second burner. I told myself to forget what he was posting & go for the 50 second barrier…everything else should fall in place.


(To be continued)

[RacerX]

(continued from Entry 2002-52B)


I pushed harder on the next lap, faster and faster…though my challenger pushed just as fast. Again, he improved his time, but again I too improved my time. I told myself to reach deep, do NOT let yourself be caught. I convinced myself that the man behind me was not a man, but a demon, the devil himself, he was my Mika Hakkinen!!! This must have worked, for one lap to go and again, while my challenger, my Mika lowered his lap time for a fifth lap in a row, I too lowered my time and stayed on top!

My hands instinctively flew up in the air. Like M$ after another victory, I punched the air over & over. I wanted to have compassion for the mere mortal of whom I’d just whooped, but I couldn’t find it. He’d challenged me.

He had the nerve to laugh at my story, rub in the fact that he’d raced on sacred ground, and then CHALLENGE me to a race! I continued to punch the air and wave to all the fans that had gathered for this awesome event…(ok, only the track attendant was present, and a few other kids waiting in line for their turn, but I treated them as if they were track marshal’s eager to get a look at the great one on his cool down lap.) I’m sure they thought I was freaking nuts, but who cares. I’d just crushed my rival, my toughest competition to date; my Mika Hakkinen…and he went down in flames! Flames I tell you. (OK, you’re right, it was really close, but I beat him fair and square.)

I parked my red beast in what I like to refer to as my “park ferme” and immediately unbuckled the belts. I sprang out of the beast and offered a hand to my beaten compadre. He laughed and said for it to be official, we’d have to go “Two out of Three” for the real winner to be crowned.

I thought to myself: “What? What? I’d just kicked my challenger’s fancy helmet wearing butt on the track. Where does it say the event must be a “Two out of Three” event?” Then I told him: “Hey, they don’t race Two out of Three on Sunday at the grand prix, do they? They come with their sh*t ready for a showdown. A one timer. A win or lose bring it now approach. They don’t get their butts kicked and say two out of three!”

He laughed and said this wasn’t a Grand Prix and that a real man would give him an opportunity for a rematch. I reluctantly agreed, for I had everything to lose & nothing to gain by continuing on, but I did enjoy the driving. I scrounged up another $20, and we got back in line. I asked him how he liked the track, he thought it was great. I asked him if he wanted any info on the lines, he said no. The small talk continued like a formality, then it happened…the unspeakable, I wanted to control it, but I couldn’t, it just came out, I opened my mouth and BAM….smack talk erupted.



(To be continued...)

[RacerX]

(Continued from Entry 2002-52B)

“I kicked your butt,” I laughed. He retorted: “Luck, pure luck & you’re on your home track.”

“Home track my butt, before today, I’d run this course ONCE! Face it, I kicked your arse!” was my reply.

Good thing we were best of friends, for it got rather nasty after that, in a best friend sort of way. I’ll spare you the profanity, but we egged each other on, hoping to take one another off our game. It didn’t matter to me, I knew I’d settle down once my butt squeezed into the seat again.

Sure enough, it was our turn and I suggested that to even things out, we should swap cars. He agreed and thus I squeezed into the bright neon green kart. I felt terrible passing by the little red buddy that had just brought me to victory, but I knew this was a must to void any future debates down the road! LOL. I’ll spare you the details and get straight to the point:

Yes, I kicked arse yet again! That’s right Mister Journal, from this day forth, you will address me as Michael Schumacher, the King of Karting, the greatest, period! He felt the wrath of Schumi, he knew that he was over is head when it was all said and done. Upon exiting the kart, he fell to his knees and bowed several times over, to acknowledge that I truly was the Karting King. My friend was impressed, to the point that he bought me several rounds of cold beer. I returned the favor, hoping to ease the pain of the butt kicking I’d unleashed on him.

So “Ha” to you, you my little paper friend. I don’t hear you laughing now, eh? Eh? Come on little buddy, where’s all that laughter from earlier? Yeah, that’s right, I better not even hear a little snicker out of your arse.

OK, in closing, I’ll just say that it was a great day today! I kicked butt on the track, crushed my Mika, and enjoyed many a free cold beers from him afterward. Good night Mr. Journal, sleep well, I know I will. You know what, it’s not so lonely at the top…LOL…what? What? You bet I’m at the top! I beat my Mika of karting today! Tonight I go to sleep knowing that I am the king of karting, I am the Schu…oh hell, I am DRUNK! Good night!

Close Entry 2002-52B

[Henrik]

Rx,

You are too much!! What can I add other than that your writings shows just how much fun karting can be.

Someday I'll have to make over to your area and really show you what karting is though. Oh, and da silva, you should come to so that we can teach this M$ lover a thing or two.

Here's to your journal Rx..

[da_silva]

Rx great read. LOL.

And you are right, my time will come, in fact as the reigning Shamu Croaks Champion my time is now. And none of your dirty little MS tricks could ever help you. LOL.

Lets take Henrik's suggestion and teach you a lesson. Bring it on bitch. LMAO.

Good stuff.

[RacerX]

Patience young da silva, patience...LOL!

Henrik, yes, it would be great! Someday??

da silva, patience...I seem to remeber this mad man making a few later entries in regards to you! Your time will come...soon enough! LOL!

right now it's poor Pablo's time...LOL!

More to come later, I promise....

Thanks,
RacerX

[RacerX]

Journal Entry 2002-77

Well greetings again Mr.Journal. It’s a wonderful Spring day. I love March in Texas, but that’s not why I’m writing. OK, I know you remember the great M$ of karting, no? LOL, that’s right, well he’s back and it seems he’s in demand! Guess what…eh…eh? Give up? I thought so!!! I knew you wouldn’t guess it, but check this out. I know this all started by accident, I crushed a few girl Scouts and then finally had a true competitor to compare myself by.

Yeah that’s right, My Mika of karting…and he too fell to the wrath of this master of disaster…to be honest, I barely rate him a notch or two above the Girl Scouts (but don’t tell him I said that)!

Well, it seems word’s getting around about the great one…yeah, I know I’m talking about myself, but I’m becoming such a legend, I almost feel like it’s OK to talk about myself as a third party. What? Really…well, ok, I’ll try to keep it under control.

Anyway, I crossed paths with an interesting young man today. We met for lunch and talked for hours about F1 and all, then somehow karting came up in our conversation. Go figure, this guy likes to kart too, and upon hearing of my victories, he had the nerve to laugh and ask if I’d meet him at the track some day! Up until that moment, this young man had been incredibly polite, very respectful, and one I would rate as very intelligent. What happened next amazed me.

(to be continued)

[RacerX]

(continued from entry 2002-77)


We discussed my victories, and to my shock he blew them off as if they were nothing. I told him of my title “King of Karting” and told him, more like warned him, that I was the Michael $chumacher of karting! He laughed some more, and said I could just call him Pablo. No respect, no respect I tell you!

Pablo...Pablo of all freaking names…and to top it off, he really was from Columbia! Freaking Columbia! I couldn’t believe my luck. I’d stumbled across my very own Juan PABLO Montoya!

I accepted his challenge without hesitation. I tried to warn him, I told him I was the greatest, but he wouldn’t listen. I told him of my records, but still he refused to respect my previous conquests! I pity this man, more so than my Mika, for this man has no respect for me, I feel it. I know that he’s a great kid, and probably a really great person, but his lack of respect for my karting abilities makes my blood boil. I think my Columbian counterpart will be fierce on the track, but he too shall taste defeat. He too will fall to the wrath of me, the Schumi of karting, the king of swing, the master of dis…OK, OK…I know. Yes, I do need to think up some scary nicknames, I know these are old ones.

Ok, I’m signing off for now, so until tomorrow my little paper friend…until tomorrow. I’ll have a hard time sleeping….I can’t believe that this Pablo guy really wants me on the track. His disrespect of my amazing skills & ability is uncomprehensible. His lack of respect for my victories and accomplishments is mind numbing. I tell you what mister journal, I’ll take great pleasher in teaching this young man respect…that’s right, I’ll spell it on every lap…R-E-S-P-E…er, uh…oh yeah…C-T!!!

I’ll pummel him, I’ll thrash him, I’ll…I’ll…I’ll chop across his front and teach him a thing or two about being number one, I’ll brake check him at the first corner, he wouldn’t expect that…that should keep him scared and on his toes…I’ll…I’ll…What? What? Yeah, you’re right…I couldn’t really do all those mean things to him…no-one’s capable of that kind of unsporting driving, right Mr. Journal?

What? Hey, shut-up…M$ didn’t really do that, he’s never chopped anyone, ever! It was a bug that flew onto his visor & he couldn’t see that he was cutting across DC’s line…it was an accident. I’d like to see you view a track at 100mph through the guts of a splattered bug on your visor!!!

What, what about DH? Schumi never chopped DH. What are you talking about there? Oh, oh yeah, well that too was something unusual. I think he said the power steering pump failed on the left side of his car, causing it to pull hard left at the start. Yeah, that’s it.

What? Brake check at the first turn? OK Mr. Journal, I HAVE to call bullsh*t on that one, it was JPM alright, and it was Brazil like you say, but it was the 3rd turn…not the first! So there, JPM should have been expecting it! Damned, you’re a smart-arsed little journal aren’t you.

I tell you what, keep talking sh*t buddy, go ahead and live in denial like my new friend Pablo, and you too will be taught a lesson in respect! I’ll teach you how to respect matches, right after I teach my young Juan Pablo Montoya what losing is all about! Good Night!

Close Entry 2002-77

[da_silva]

Hehehehe,

I got ten bucks says Pabs wins. Hehehe.

[greg99]

I'll add another 10$ (canadian?) on Pabs....

hehehe.....