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Post by OT on Mar 24, 2002 16:06:23 GMT -5
A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me!", she told him earnestly.
"Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I'll be alright...I'll be fine in a few minutes", he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
But she persisted, and finally allowed her to help him. She gently took his hands away an laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and she put her hands inside. She began to massage him. She then asked him: "How does that feel?"
To which he replied: "It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like hell."
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Post by RacerX on Apr 10, 2002 18:34:49 GMT -5
Another Golf joke...
Three guys were teeing up first thing in the morning. One looked over and confessed to his friends this might be his last round with them. The other two looked puzzled, so he went on to explain. He told them that everytime he gets out to play a round with them, he has to promise his wife something in return. Each time it's getting more & more expensive.
One of his partners states: "Yeah, I know what you mean...I have to go through the same thing, today cost me a 10 crt diamond ring. What did you have to promise?"
The original gentleman replied:"After we finish this round, I have to stop by the Lexus dealership and bring home a new car for the misses."
The third golfer, who'd remained silent through all this is now looking rather puzzled. Upon the other two seeing this, they chimed in unison: "What did you have to promise?"
The third golfer replies: "Well, you all are going about this the wrong way...On golf days, I get up first thing in the morning, roll over on the misses and say hey honey....Golf Course, or Intercourse?....and here I am!"
RacerX
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Post by RacerX on Apr 10, 2002 18:38:19 GMT -5
One more golf joke....(last one, I promise...LOL)
Two old geezers are out teeing it up. At the third hole, which parralled the main road through town, the golfers noticed a funeral procession.
The first golfer removed his hat, bowed his head and stood silent until the cars had all past.
The other golfer looks at this strange behavior and says: "Heck, I didn't realise you took funerals and death so serious?"
The first golfer says, hey that's the least I could do, we were married for over 55 years.....
Rx
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Post by da_silva on Apr 10, 2002 19:14:53 GMT -5
LOL one more..........
Shortly after starting a game of golf a woman returns to the clubhouse complaining of a Bee sting, the Golf Pro overhears her complaining and asks where she was stung, the woman replies between the first hole and the second hole, I know what your problem is replies the Pro.........your stance is too wide. ;D
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Post by OT on May 22, 2002 0:52:54 GMT -5
Perfect Shot
A guy is standing over his tee shot, looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed...
His partner says, "What's taking so long?"
The first guy says, "My wife is on the clubhouse porch, so I want to make a perfect shot."
His partner says, "Forget it...you'll never hit her from here."
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Post by da_silva on May 23, 2002 9:50:23 GMT -5
A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing. “I’m on the 7th hole,” she replied, “and you are a hole behind me. So you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine, the same thing happened and he approached her again with the same request. “I’m on number 14, and you’re still a hole behind, so you must be on the 13th hole.” Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often. He approached her and said, “Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you’re in the sales profession. I’m in sales also. What do you sell?” “I’ll tell you, but you’re going to laugh,” she replied. “No, I won’t” he replied. “Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.” With that, he laughed so hard he almost fell off the bar stool. “See,” she said. “I knew you’d laugh !” “That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied, “I’m a salesman for Preparation H, so I’m still a hole behind you!”
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