Double Entendres

[Ruby2]

Or just a slip of the tongue?

Chris Tarrant discussing the first Millionaire winner Judith Keppel on This Morning: "She was practising fastest finger first by herself in bed last night."

Mike Hallett discussing missed snooker shots on Sky Sports: "Stephen Hendry jumps on Steve Davis's misses every chance he gets."

Jack Burnicle was talking about Colin Edwards' tyre choice on World Superbike racing: "Colin had a hard on in practice earlier, and I bet he wished he had a hard on now."

Winning Post's Stewart Machin commentating on jockey Tony McCoy's formidable lead: "Tony has a quick look between his legs and likes what he sees."

Ross King discussing relays with champion runner Derek Redmond: "Well Derek, tell us about your amazing third leg."

Cricketer Neil Fairbrother hit a single during a Durham v Lancashire match, inspiring Bobby Simpson to observe: "With his lovely soft hands he just tossed it off."

Steve Ryder covering the US Masters: "Ballesteros felt much better today after a 69."

The new stand at Doncaster race course took Brough Scott's breath away..."My word," he said, "look at that magnificent erection."

Willie Carson was telling Claire Balding how jockeys prepare for a big race when he said: "They usually have four or five dreams a night about coming from different positions."

Carenza Lewis about finding food in the Middle Ages on Time Team Live said: "You'd eat beaver if you could get it."

A female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked, "So Bob, where's that eight inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too, because they were laughing so hard!

US PGA Commentator - "One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them .... Oh my god!!!!! What have I just said?!!!!"

Metro Radio - "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

Ted Walsh- Horse Racing Commentator - "This is really a lovely horse. I once rode her mother."

Pat Glenn- Weightlifting commentator - "And this is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning and it was amazing!"

[Danny Boy]

One of my personal fav's is Brian Johnsons cricket classic "The batsmans Holding, the bowlers Willy

[Ruby2]

LOL!!!

I'm sure somebody once asked rubens how he felt about being rammed in the behind, too! I must try to find that quote!

[Cine_Man]

I'm not completely sure about this, but its a good story, but the "Arnold Palmer's" balls being kissed anecdote was apparently part of "The Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson, who was interviewing Arnie's wife, and she told him that that was what she did for good luck, was kiss his balls..... ahem..... Johnny, quick as a shot replied "That must make his putter stand up...."

The result was supposedly a lawsuit.

Cine_...
But the truth is....

As the story goes, golf god Arnold Palmer was on The Tonight Show when Carson asked him if he practiced any good-luck routines. "Yes, my wife kisses my balls," was Palmer's mythical reply, which prompted Carson to joke, "I'll bet that flutters your putter." (Other variations have, as you say, Palmer's wife appearing on the show and naively delivering the set-up line.)

"People are always asking him about it, and he thinks it's silly," a Carson spokeswoman told TV Guide back in 1998. Our colleagues also reported that Palmer was never a guest on the show when Carson was hosting. "I wish we could lay this old chestnut to rest once and for all," Doc Giffin, a spokesman for Palmer, added.

And that isn't the only "chestnut" Carson had to deal with, according to our guys. Another oft-repeated rumor holds that Zsa Zsa Gabor once sat in the guest chair with a cat in her lap. "Would you like to pet my p---y?" she asked. "I'd love to, but you'll have to remove that darn cat," Carson supposedly said. Now, Ms. Gabor often appeared on the show, but Carson himself, asked about it by Jane Fonda on the air in 1989, denied the exchange ever took place.

[Wycco]

Not sure if I've remember the quote verbatim... but one of my favorite is the Raquel Welch blunder...

At one of those dumb Hollywood award shows that noone but fashion magazine reporters watch (Oscars? Acadamy Awards? Golden Globe? they're all the same to me); Raquel came on stage and said:

"I'm here to present the Special Effects award and I have two of them."

(from what I recall she meant to say she had two nominees... but her having two special effects is also true! )