South African Joke(s)

[El Sid]

Just to fill you in, in SA there are 3 mainstream languages other than the host of indiginous African languages. First there is standard English which is the real English with the correct grammar and pronounciation and so on. Secondly there is Afrikaans. Afrikaans, which is a derivative of Dutch, Flemish and so on. Thirdly there is non-standard English. This is a language consisting of many Anglised Afrikaans, and vice versa, words and expressions.

This story goes about the third language. The South African derivative of English.

But first:

A car has 4 wheels. Therefore 4 tyres (tires for the US folks hehehe)

In Afrikaans a tyre is a "band", prounounced "bundt". Now when "bundt" is to be used in the said derivative of English it is pronounced "band" as in rubber-band. But mostly a "band" is just called a tyre, as in English.

OK, the story:

This farmer-type has a flat tyre and parks next to the road. Then, to his surprise, he finds that he has no spare wheel. So there he sits. Very forlornly he stares at the Toyota Hi-Lux Pick-up with the rear end on the jack.

A short while later a black Bentley with British Consular number plates pulls up next to our seemingly desperate friend. As the Bentley gently glides to a standstill, the rear window winds down and a guy, with bowler hat and all, speaks out: "Good day, old chap. How may I be of assistance ?" in very much a "potato in the mouth" sort of voice.

So our farmer friend says: "Hey man, thank you lord, have you gotta band for me ?"

Mr. Ambassador frowns and says "You want a WHAT ?

"Only one band, lord"

"No I am sorry, I do not understand you." says the English gentleman. "Is there no-one here that speaks proper English ?"

"No lord. Man, I don't know what is English for Tyre"

[El Sid]

Now this is funny. Read it in this morning's paper. Have to translate though.

An Italian by the name of Angelo Capo was arrested for serious fraud and theft charges. He requested the court for a postponement of the case for 4 years. He has dismissed all of the 7 legal-aid Defence Lawyers appointed to the case by the state since the trial started some 2 years ago. He reckons he now wants to manage his own defence. And for this he needs the 4 years to follow a correspondence course to qualify as a graduate Lawyer.

Hey, what people won't try. SA is getting funnier by the day.

[El Sid]

This is not typically SA but the story was told to me by a previous colleague.

Whilst she was a already a Civil Engineer (rare occurrence here but ideed true), her sister was in the throes of becoming a Medical Doctor. For the practical training the Med. School send their prospective Doctors to Groote Schuur Hospital (same place where Chris Barnard performed the first heart transplant). So, as the story has it, some work was to be performed on a male cadaver which was rigged by one of the senior students beforehand. What he did (I was told that it was a male senior) was to thread some suture from the neck inside the body down to it's penis in order to manipulate it remotely (fly by wire ?). So the Professor sends in his students, the girls present seriously attempting to hold a straight face on seeing this well endowed naked "male". So our senior friend starts manipulating John Doe's John Thomas by remote control. Before the Prof. arrived, the angle was near vertical and by the time he eventually did, it was in full flight!

All of the girls left without hearing a word the Prof. had to say.