Post by OT on May 19, 2002 22:12:21 GMT -5
A five day holiday requires ONE overnight bag
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat
Queues for the bathroom don't exist
You can open all your own jars
When clicking through the channels you don't have to stall at every one where someone's crying
All your orgasms are real
You don't have to lug a bag of useless stuff around
You can go to the bathroom without a support group
When your work is criticised, you understand that everyone doesn't secretly hate you
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness
Nobody wonders if you swallow
You never have to clean a toilet
You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes
You save time and money by washing up in bulk every third week
Sex means never worrying about your reputation
Wedding plans take care of themselves
If someone forgets to invite you to something, it means that they forgot to invite you. It doesn't mean that they hate you, and he or she can still be your friend
You don't have to shave below your neck
None of your co workers have the power to make you cry
You don't have to curl up next to a hairy backside every night
If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices
You can write your name in the snow
Biological clock?
Chocolate is just another snack
Flowers fix everything
You never have to worry about other people's feelings
You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours
Reverse parking is easy
Foreplay is optional
Window shopping is what you do when you buy windows
Robbie Williams does not exist in your universe
Catherine Zeta Jones does
You don't have to clean your house if the meter reader's coming
You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid. In fact you encourage them.
Car mechanics tell you the truth
You don't give a rat's ass if no one notices your new haircut
You can quietly watch a game on TV with a buddy for hours without ever thinking he's mad at you.
You never look at the size of a baby's head and cringe
The whole world is your urinal
Hot wax never comes near your pubic area
One mood, all the time
Same work, more pay!
Gray hair and wrinkles add character
The remote control is yours and yours alone
No such thing as bunny hopping half an inch above the toilet seat
People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them
You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother
You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked
If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends and they, won't try and work out what the problem is
Someday you'll be a dirty old man. And you're looking forward to it
You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood
Dieting involves getting regular sized fries with your burger
Porn movies are designed specifically with your mind in mind
You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries
Not liking a person doesn't exclude having great sex with them
Life will go on if the bedsheets don't get changed once in a while.
Having a beer belly is a perfect reason for wearing a t shirt
And a couple of the classic one liners to finish :
Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "so..., notice anything different?"
Your mates never say "Well if you don't know what you did wrong, I'm certainly not telling you."(how many times have you heard that!!)
Your mates never say "Talk to me"