Post by pabs on Aug 20, 2003 9:45:49 GMT -5
1. If you are over 30 and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've
been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing
sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag. A cat is like a dog, but
gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over
here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy,
snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lolipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense,
rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs,
crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties.
Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in parking lot,
you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he
defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the
poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome
milk) and full-aroma. A 'tang-eating man will never be heard ordering a
"Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
sweetner tastes like. If you've had Nutrasweet in your mouth, you've had a
dick there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. real man
doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well
as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college
ball, PGA, and Nascar. If you can pick out chartreusse or you know what a
"fresier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than
denim, you are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you're hungry for
meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow-ass
driver or to cut the sumbitch off. The rest of the time he needs that hand
to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, grab the
bi-atch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's
Latino, talk on his cell-phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le
Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a
woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by
yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous
homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out
too quickly.
Note: I C&P'd exactly as I got it...though I spell his name differently, "bun-bun" is supposed to be my cat's name
means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and rather you've
been sucking-off the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing
sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaayming fag. A cat is like a dog, but
gay: it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate
touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think
about how you call a dog..."Killer, come here! I said get your ass over
here!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy,
snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
3. If you suck on lolipops, Ring-Pops, baby-pacifiers, or any such nonsense,
rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks bar-b-q ribs,
crab-claws, raw oysters, craw-fish guts, pickled pigs feet, or titties.
Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in parking lot,
you're in a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom, he
defecates and urinates where he pleases.
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the
poop-chute. Coffee is to be had strong, black (or with thick, wholesome
milk) and full-aroma. A 'tang-eating man will never be heard ordering a
"Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial
sweetner tastes like. If you've had Nutrasweet in your mouth, you've had a
dick there too.
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of
dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. real man
doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well
as all the names of all the players in the Major league, NFL, NBA, college
ball, PGA, and Nascar. If you can pick out chartreusse or you know what a
"fresier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than
denim, you are faggadocious!
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it...you're hungry for
meat-popsicle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at slow-ass
driver or to cut the sumbitch off. The rest of the time he needs that hand
to change the radio station, eat his hamburger, hold his beer, grab the
bi-atch in the passenger seat (whoever she happens to be), or, if he's
Latino, talk on his cell-phone.
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous sonnez le
Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a
woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by
yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous
homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out
too quickly.
Note: I C&P'd exactly as I got it...though I spell his name differently, "bun-bun" is supposed to be my cat's name
Don't Die Before You Live...
